We’ve reported here previously on “grey divorce” — the divorce rate going up among older Americans, even as younger generations are proving less likely to get divorced.
Now another analysis confirms the trend: “According to the Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research, divorce rates doubled for Americans over 55 and tripled for those over 65 from 1990 to 2021. At the same time, divorce rates among young adults have dropped.”
Now some new reports highlight the upsides and downsides: on the one hand, the ability to create a fresh start and enjoy it for a long period of time; on the other hand, a financial hit and the risks of living alone.
There are important reasons why the trend is happening in the first place. In part, it’s a matter of attitudes that attach to the Baby Boomer generation. The article quotes sociologist Brad Wilcox: “They were part of a generation that came of age in the 1970s and late 1960s when there was a much more individualistic spirit that was coursing through American life. It was called ‘The Me Decade’ by Tom Wolfe, who was a famous writer in that time.”
But longevity is also a factor. If you believe, in your 50s or 60s, that you have decades of lifespan ahead of you, you may be more ready to exit an unsatisfactory marriage. As we noted in our book, “Staying in a bad marriage means putting up with it for another 20-30 years. Not a small matter. Or put it the other way around: you could have a happy second marriage that lasts three decades or longer.”
But not all outcomes are positive. Divorce later in life can have a “devastating” financial impact, particularly on women, one study found. In the Bowling Green study, “women experienced a 45% decline in their standard of living (measured by an income-to-needs ratio), whereas men’s dropped by just 21%.”
But now a new report highlights another concerning trend: grey divorce may be contributing to a rise in the number of older Americans living alone.
According to the report, “Nearly 16 million people aged 65 and older in the US lived solo in 2022, three times as many who lived alone in that age group in the 1960s. And as Baby Boomers age, that number is expected to grow even more, raising big questions about the country’s future.”
The report quotes Susan L. Brown, co-director of the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University, whose research first popularized the term “grey divorce”. She says, “Well over a third of people who are getting divorced now are over the age of 50. We just can’t ignore that group anymore.”
According to Houston divorce attorney Susan Myres, “I’ve seen a pretty sharp increase in mature couples who have adult children and probably have some grandchildren.” Instead of “grey divorce,” she likes the terms “silver splitters,” because “it also alludes to the silver lining of starting fresh, no matter how old you are.”
Of course, “starting fresh” does not always mean re-partnering, and that’s where many experts express worries about the rising percentage of older adults living alone.
From the report: “In the US, it’s clear the future of aging will involve millions more people living alone, says Jennifer Molinsky, director of the Housing an Aging Society at Harvard University’s Joint Center for Housing Studies. Projections from the center predict that the number of single-person households headed by people over age 75 will soar in the coming years as Baby Boomers age, surpassing 14 million by 2038. ‘So many people are not safely housed, not affordably housed, not in locations that are well-served by healthcare or supports and services, who don’t have transportation. … There’s just so much need, and this needs more attention,’ Molinsky says.”
On the other hand, the report quotes Markus Schafer, an associate professor of sociology at Baylor University who studies aging and health, and calls this a “two-sided phenomenon.”
“A lot of people really find it appealing to have autonomy – to not have daily squabbles over how the dishwasher gets loaded or where the toothbrush goes,” he says. “On the other hand … consistently research finds that even though a lot of people fare well living alone, people who live alone report higher levels of loneliness across the board, and it’s definitely more pronounced later in life. There’s a lot of innovation and startup money for robo-companionship – things like robotic dogs, the metaverse and artificial intelligence. This is really taking off in Japan. They’re kind of showing us what the future of aging may look like here.”
What are the “bottom lines” we take from all this?
– The “grey divorce” trend isn’t likely to slow down.
– People who contemplate taking the step will need to be tough-minded and realistic about the financial implications, which will be compounded by longevity.
– At the same time, it will be more important than ever to be aware of the health and social resources available to help promote autonomy while living alone, if that’s the result of the “grey divorce.” This is an information issue — obviously, the actual decision to end a marriage or not remains a highly personal one. The point is not to be caught short in finding yourself in a situation where you need those “living alone” resources, and you aren’t aware of what they are or where to find them. We’ll certainly keep reporting on this part of the topic, so you can stay up to date.